Imagine you’re hanging out with a big group of people and they are all talking about something funny that happened and you have no idea what they are talking about cause you weren’t invited. Then they start making plans to go do something crazy and they don’t invite you. You have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re real and get past the fact that you aren’t invisible; instead, you just aren’t part of the plans. I know I said imagine, but it’s not something that I have to imagine cause being in college comes with the burden of feeling left out a lot.
As a D1 yapper, I tend to talk a lot, especially when I feel like I need words coming out of me to not feel like I'm alone in a crowded room. College is full of awkward moments, the need to feel seen, and the heartache of feeling like nobody likes you, when that’s probably not true. I’ve always felt like I’m too much for people and that sometimes they would rather go find new friends and start all over then continue being with me. It’s not an uncommon feeling, but it’s an even worse one when there’s evidence to back up your delusions.
Coming to college, I was so excited to meet new people and find people who actually want to spend hours listening to me complain about my roots growing in. Instead, I found myself in multiple situations where my friends forgot my existence and sent me a text after doing something fun saying, “aw man, I forgot to text you. You’ll have to come next time.” But instead of reading any other words, I just see the fact that they forgot to invite me. When you’re truly friends with someone, you typically don’t forget to invite them to stuff. You want them to be there, and want to actually hangout with them.
Feeling lonely in college is normal. Feeling lonely in life is normal. We are all lonely. The only way to conquer loneliness is to not let it define you. You find contentness in your own being. As someone who has always felt lonely, I’ve learned to find comfort in being by myself. I know the people who love me won’t stop loving me if I go off the grid for a little bit. You have to find the people that text you when they see a hot dog and say, “thinking of you.” Sometimes it sucks waiting for those sorts of people to come around but those are the people that text you everytime they leave the house cause they want a friend to go to target with and they like your company.
This doesn’t happen overnight. I still have chronic FOMO and still get a pit in my stomach when people talk about plans in front of me. But, we are only human. We need to learn how to not hold grudges and be more understanding. Everyone’s world revolves around them and we all have our own demons; And learning to understand that them forgetting to invite you doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I forget to check-in on my friends all the time. Doesn’t mean I love them any less, I just have my own crazy world that sometimes it just happens.
Loneliness is all a mindset.
Once you realize that it’s okay to not be invited, or to eat alone, or even to go shopping by yourself, you can finally be released from the mindset of I am lonely and find ease in just simply being alone. Learning that not everyone’s world should/will revolve around you and if you have issues with that, then you are the problem.
Okay so that was kind of a long tangent, but if you take away anything from this it should be that it’s okay to feel lonely. You’re gonna feel lonely and you will feel left out but don’t let that bother you. Keep being yourself and find those people who will make you feel seen and that invite you out. You might feel left out and like the world sucks, but find the people that include you in the group chat. Find that peace with not always needing to be invited, because it’s truly not the end of the world.
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