Kindergarten through high school, friendships almost felt automatic. You share your crayon with the girl next to you and suddenly you’re begging your parents for a playdate. After one playdate, you have those lifelong friendships that you barely have to think about how they came to be. If you’re like me, you chose a college where you won’t know a single person there, which means going back in time and trying to remember how you built the confidence to share the crayon and let it become a deeper connection.
I have always been the crazy extrovert that found a new friend every single time I left the house. Like everyone else I had those friends that felt like family, and I called their parents Mom and Dad, and even spent holidays with them. I also had those people that I met at the playground while camping with my family that I dragged back to my tent because I was sure that we were the best of friends. I never really had any issues making friends until I came to college.
I met my roommate in the line outside the res hall where we got our keys, when she tapped on my shoulder and said, “I think you’re my roommate.” I was so excited and gave her a big hug then we both just minded our business as we moved into our dorm. She said she met these other girls online and they live down the hall so naturally, as two girls yearning for easy friendships freshman year of college, we went and hung out with them. We then went on an adventure to the liquor store cause the one girl had her car on campus, then stopped by the dining hall after. I was so wrapped up in trying to be friends with these girls whom I barely said one word to, that I didn't even say bye to my mom or thanked her for helping me move in. I still have a pit in my stomach thinking about that.
Fast forward to a few days later, I was sitting in the room down the hall and hanging out with these girls who just made me feel like I was an alien who crash landed on some foreign planet. I was sitting in the one girl's bed and the chatter just died and we all kind of just sat there. I could hear the two girls texting each other and I had a weird pit in my stomach. All I wanted to do was go back to my room and call my boyfriend. Out of nowhere, the girl who’s bed I was on looked me dead in the eyes and said, “can you get off my bed, I’m trying to sleep.” I played it off as an excuse to go to my room and go to bed but safe to say I never stepped foot in that room again.
The next night I met these two girls at a bonfire, let’s call them Amber and Becky. I connected with them so fast and they seemed a lot more bearable and nice compared to the ones that kicked me out of their room. We hung out a lot but there was always a weird divide because they were roommates and we all know trios rarely work. Becky’s sister was in a sorority at our school and invited us to a party that week so obviously as three freshman girls who want to party and make friends, we got dressed up and went to that party. We spent hours talking to the nicest girl outside, we can call her Suzie, and the following day, Suzie invited us to a party with a different sorority that she was part of. I was so excited to go but Amber and Becky said they wouldn’t go. When I asked them why they, Becky explained that her sister said that Suzie’s sorority is the loser sorority and they don’t want to go and make that sorority think they are interested in them. Just like that, I was down more friends.
Okay so that’s a lot of background and I could keep going on for days but fast forward a little and after going through a few more friends and all of them making me question if I was the problem, I spent a lot of time with Suzie. Suzie introduced me to a few other freshmen who also couldn’t find good friends and obviously we became best friends. We all unironically rushed Suzie’s sorority, and those girls were the ones that took me in to live with them and now I can’t imagine doing life without them. They were the people that reminded me of elementary school. In modern day terms, I offered them a shot (my crayon) and then they asked me to hangout the next day.
So basically what I’m trying to say from all of this is to keep putting yourself out there until you find your people. If I had stuck with the first people that I had met, I would’ve been trying to mold myself into a crowd of people that didn’t click with who I truly am. People that I didn’t say one word around when now my friends have to hide at the library to study if they want me to shut up. You have to find the people that don’t make you put on an act or do things you don’t wanna do. It sucks, like big time, to have to make friends just to find out they aren’t yours but it’s worth it when you finally find the ones that love you for your true authentic self.
I felt hopeless that I was going to find those people. I filled out transfer papers, I went home every weekend to hide at my boyfriend’s house and cry to my mom. I thought I was the issue but I just realized that I need to eliminate the people that don’t work to find the ones that do.
I once read something in a book that I reminded myself of during my breakup. ‘Everyone says right person wrong time, but that’s not true. You were the right person at the right time, just the wrong person for me to spend the rest of my life with.’ This can easily translate to friendships too. Everyone you meet, especially the ones who kick you out of their beds, are people you were meant to meet. They aren’t meant to be permanent. They are meant to teach you who you are and teach you about yourself. They might be mean to you and they might make you question your self-worth, but they also teach you how resilient you are. They show you it’s okay to step away from something that isn’t right for you. They show you that the world is full of change. Change can be scary, everyone fears it, but once your conquer it and accept it, you realize that the world is always gonna throw you for a loop; And once you finally embrace the change, the world does you a favor.
In college, it sucks to make friends and share your life story and create memories just for it to wash down the drain. But if you never washed away the old, you’d be carrying all this baggage that does nothing for you and just holds you back from the great new experiences and people that life has to offer. If I never left the girls who I thought were about to be my entire world, I would’ve never met the girls who actually make me feel whole.
So yes, it feels like everyone has their people in college and you might feel like that’s not in your cards, but you don’t know how hard their journey was. It could’ve been like mine and they might’ve had the worst freshman year possible. It takes time to find those that value who you are but don’t ever settle for less because once you finally find those people that accepted the crayon you shared with them, they are worth it.
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